
It started with tears. I knew it was time...
There were signs. I had three new movies gathering dust on my coffee table. There are 7,868 songs in my iTunes library and nothing was doing it for me. The bookmarks on my favorite sites have gone unvisited. And reading, or attempting to read the books in my library have turned into a pathetic round of speed-dating.
"I've been working all day, I'm tired; and I'm not mentally alert enough for Smith. I'm happy with Handler, but I need a little more than chic fluff. I'm a bit frightened at how much I identify with Palaniuk right now. I don't have the new Sedaris, which is just embarrassing. Thoreau reminds me of college and makes me feel guilty because I can't concentrate. I'm feeling way too self-loathing and melancholy to delve into my ultimate love-Neruda. And second that for Rumi. He can be romantic at times, but it's mostly his timeless wisdom that kicks my ass every time I read him, and that's not really good for me right now either because I'm feeling like I don't know anything, and reading about his infinite wisdom on EVERYTHING will just make me feel worse.
That's when the tears came. Or maybe, that's how I ended up in my art studio...
I don't remember which happened first, but let's continue...
On a random, Tuesday night I sat down at StOrYdRoPs and slowly looked around...
Waxy cRaYoNs, glasses of glitter, striking images, witcheepoo mugs filled with Sharpies, jars congested with buttons, vibrant paints- some dry, some sticky and smelly and new satin, pastel colored ribbons; neglected, never used, sloping on the edges of the desk like pale ballerinas in a coma...
And me. Traveling sideways on a dark purple steam engine train.
-it's kind of fun...=)
I remember a time- not too long ago, when I just couldn't wait for my life to catch up with my vision. My dreams, my thoughts... It was intensely frustrating.
And now here I am, on that train; a bit jet-lagged-but still riding in wonder, and too tired to understand just what the fuck I'm doing.
So now I surrender.
I've loosened my bonnet, and downed half of my bourbon; my arms are folded across my suitcase, supporting my chin; and I drift in and out of sleep, watching the new landscapes cHaNgE.
Pink sky, Blue Sky, Purple Sky, Red Orange Sky.
The snapshots of sky pictures change from view master to view master, as the train pushes on; and all I want to do is
s
l
i
d
e
back to sleep.
Underneath it all I'm grateful...
Underneath it all I'm scared...
Underneath it all I see that my life already has cHAnGeD, and this is only the beginning...
I've fallen into a Spring globe.
It's warm and snowing WiLdFlOwErS. The flower petals pelt like tin against the trees, and tink with the wind, like wind-up keys that never find their door....
E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g-i-s-H A P P E N I N G-s-o-f-a-s-t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe it's too bright. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe the train is going too fast. Maybe I'm going the wrong way. Maybe I forgot my sunblock. Maybe I need more time. Maybe I'm doing this wrong. Maybe I left the water running. Maybe it's too late. Maybe it won't work. Maybe there is no Conductor. Maybe I'm mad.
MaybemaybeMaybeMaybeMaybEMayBeMAYBEmAyBemaybEmAYBEmAybe
(insert panic mode)
Where is my shaydow? I like my shaydows. They makes me feel safe
Okay, *deep breath*.
I'm back...
I'm here..
And so are you.
And this is StOrYdRoPs.
You won't need an umbrella.
Just some cRaYoNs and a lot of rubber duckies.
We'll do this together.
Eager, Pensive, Scared, and Ready.
I'm ready...
Are you?
*sprinkle sprinkle*



