Spring Globes, Pale Ballerinas, Tuesday Nights and Wind Up Keys

It started with tears. I knew it was time...

There were signs. I had three new movies gathering dust on my coffee table. There are 7,868 songs in my iTunes library and nothing was doing it for me. The bookmarks on my favorite sites have gone unvisited. And reading, or attempting to read the books in my library have turned into a pathetic round of speed-dating.

"I've been working all day, I'm tired; and I'm not mentally alert enough for Smith. I'm happy with Handler, but I need a little more than chic fluff. I'm a bit frightened at how much I identify with Palaniuk right now. I don't have the new Sedaris, which is just embarrassing. Thoreau reminds me of college and makes me feel guilty because I can't concentrate. I'm feeling way too self-loathing and melancholy to delve into my ultimate love-Neruda. And second that for Rumi. He can be romantic at times, but it's mostly his timeless wisdom that kicks my ass every time I read him, and that's not really good for me right now either because I'm feeling like I don't know anything, and reading about his infinite wisdom on EVERYTHING will just make me feel worse.

That's when the tears came. Or maybe, that's how I ended up in my art studio...

I don't remember which happened first, but let's continue...

On a random, Tuesday night I sat down at StOrYdRoPs and slowly looked around...

Waxy cRaYoNs, glasses of glitter, striking images, witcheepoo mugs filled with Sharpies, jars congested with buttons, vibrant paints- some dry, some sticky and smelly and new satin, pastel colored ribbons; neglected, never used, sloping on the edges of the desk like pale ballerinas in a coma...

And me. Traveling sideways on a dark purple steam engine train.

-it's kind of fun...=)

I remember a time- not too long ago, when I just couldn't wait for my life to catch up with my vision. My dreams, my thoughts... It was intensely frustrating.

And now here I am, on that train; a bit jet-lagged-but still riding in wonder, and too tired to understand just what the fuck I'm doing.

So now I surrender.

I've loosened my bonnet, and downed half of my bourbon; my arms are folded across my suitcase, supporting my chin; and I drift in and out of sleep, watching the new landscapes cHaNgE.

Pink sky, Blue Sky, Purple Sky, Red Orange Sky.

The snapshots of sky pictures change from view master to view master, as the train pushes on; and all I want to do is

s

l

i

d

e

back to sleep.

Underneath it all I'm grateful...

Underneath it all I'm scared...

Underneath it all I see that my life already has cHAnGeD, and this is only the beginning...

I've fallen into a Spring globe.

It's warm and snowing WiLdFlOwErS. The flower petals pelt like tin against the trees, and tink with the wind, like wind-up keys that never find their door....

E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g-i-s-H A P P E N I N G-s-o-f-a-s-t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe it's too bright. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe the train is going too fast. Maybe I'm going the wrong way. Maybe I forgot my sunblock. Maybe I need more time. Maybe I'm doing this wrong. Maybe I left the water running. Maybe it's too late. Maybe it won't work. Maybe there is no Conductor. Maybe I'm mad.

MaybemaybeMaybeMaybeMaybEMayBeMAYBEmAyBemaybEmAYBEmAybe

(insert panic mode)

Where is my shaydow? I like my shaydows. They makes me feel safe

Okay, *deep breath*.

I'm back...

I'm here..

And so are you.

And this is StOrYdRoPs.

You won't need an umbrella.

Just some cRaYoNs and a lot of rubber duckies.

We'll do this together.

Eager, Pensive, Scared, and Ready.

I'm ready...

Are you?

*sprinkle sprinkle*

Lucinda Fonts, Vain Illusions, Unrelenting Hurricanes and Plastic Boots

Wow...that was a ride...

Do you want to start again?

Let's start again...

*I miss you*

So much has happened.

I love where I am right now...

I knew the wind tunnel was coming. I stared at it with my glittered, purple binoculars from five continents away.

"It's going to rain..it's going to rain...a TERRIBLE storm is coming", I told myself as I laced up my red plastic boots and hid under a yellow rubber ducky coat.

And at the same time-in the middle of being scared shitless -I was happy.

I needed the rain. I needed a storm to wash away this monotonous, somnambulistic, humdrum, spin cycle of an existence...

I became an unrelenting hurricane.

I drowned in my emotions, and then I was still.

I sometimes collect Nature's gifts: shells, rocks, branches...but ultimately I do not care for what has risen to the surface.It is the seeping, fleeting result from the volcanoes below.

*I would rather dive down and swim in the Kelp forests of my mind*

So, we shall start again, but slowly this time.
Getting to know one another once more.
For this is a different world. I have risen like the Dawn, on a new horizon.
I am a different person, and so are you, dear reader.

So thank-you for coming back.

I don't know where I want to start.

I just know that I want to-and that's something.

I'm beginning with this post.

I might just put up random images here and there...
-feelings and thoughts from my travels.

I've been busy as f**k lately.
I'm still working on finding the time to get back to this place.

I've given up on the vain illusion of perfection. It does not exist, and if it did, what would there be to strive for?

No, I'm going to take a different approach.

I'm going to backpack my sToRyDrOpS, which means that I will post shards of my life.

Words. Pictures. Feelings. Songs.

Life is just too big and glorious to mold down to a size 14 Lucinda font.

You deserve more than that.

And boy, am I going to give it to you...

*sprinkle sprinkle*

Small U's, Mind Defects. Squeaky Cages, and Feral Cats

When you have had enough. When it doesn't matter anymore. When you are no longer afraid of releasing the atomic chaos that is brewing inside of you. When all bets are off.
When you willingly stand in your ugliness and do not care to hide. When four million drums are pounding in your mind and the cage of your heart is nothing but a loose, squeaky cage that smells like a dead battery, and you are no longer hungry for the things that are bright and shiny and sparkly.
When the wiring of your mind defects, your eyes are hissing like a feral cat, and every twitching impulse is to destroy whatever created you...

Yeah, I had a bad year.

But it's getting better. And while I am nowhere near the galaxy of surrender, or letting my guard down, even for a millisecond; I would still like to acknowledge that in the past few weeks I have been surrounded with an abundance of love.

I have some fucking amazing people in my life. Some who are in the middle of their own wars as well, but still take time to come aboard and row with me, and hear me, and shut the fuck up with me, and show me sides of things- slivers of thought and reflection, some birthed from their pain, some collected from their travels; and things that we have discovered together in present moments.

I have not been bored.

I feel like I'm resetting, which is fitting for retrograde.

Reset. Reboot. Reflect.

Dear universe (small u), I have not forgotten a single thing. We still have business. It would be very unwise for you to overlook the underdog, but I'm not here to educate you. I'm just simply re-stating that it is ON, and even in my blissful moments, it has never stopped being ON.

There is a rage inside of me that could take out all of Saturn's rings...

But maybe that was the purpose.

Maybe I was asleep.

Maybe I need this fire.

(and who are you to tell me what I need?)

Okay. I will say that at this moment that I am feeling more alive than I have ever felt.

I am burning, pulsating, and vibrating like the surface of the Sun.

And I am grateful for that.

*sprinkle sprinkle*

Step 3: Acquire a Villianous Sidekick

"It does not take much strength to lift a hair, it does not take sharp eyes to see the sun and the moon, it does not take sharp ears to hear a thunderclap."
- Master Sun

SoOoOooooo Universe,

Did you think I went away? Did you think I would just forget about the grave injustices that I have suffered, which preempted this war? Well I didn't. I've been in search of my villainous sidekick.

Meet Katoomba. Two pounds of hyperactive Calico/Tortie dynamite. She is undergoing extensive training at Fort Five and exceeding our highest expectations. We have just finished repairing the west wing, and we're almost done interpreting her elaborate instructions to build the machines of termination that she has requested.

I still don't know how we're going to get 2,000,000 polar bear claws for the CO2 rockets, but that's not your concern. Your main concern should be fear right now. Katoombish fear. She's fast. She's ferocious. She's foxy. And I would not want to be her enemy.

It doesn't have to be this way you know. I'm actually trying to help you Universe. All you need to do is surrender. Amend the ruthless grievances with the five terms that I have stated, throw in some aromatherapy candles (the NICE ones. Not the crappy cheap ones that smell like synthetic car fresheners) and a treasure chest full of colorful catnip filled toys, and I'll look the other way. It's that simple.

We won't be friends. You won't get e-vites for my birrffday parties. All won't be forgiven, but I will put my feline bazooka down; and we'll all go about our business. I think that's fair.

I also think you suck and don't know what you're doing. I think you created something completely by accident, which is bigger than you, and you don't know how to manage. I think you should step down and let Jupiter have a go at things, but that's not what we're discussing here.

Oh, hang on, the biocide is ready for Katoomba's bamboo shoots.

I'll also have you know that we have designed special kitty headphones which play a stream of my journal entries to get her up to speed with the astronomical ass-whooping on the horizon. I have also played with garage band and came up with some pretty cool techno back beats with random words like PuMMeL PLanETs, ..CoSmIc FiRebaLLs...MooN MuTiLaTIoNS...sWaLLoW StArDuSt...

That was fun.

Oh you're going to get it Universe. Me and Katoomba are going to beat you senseless, and all that will be left is a constellation of her pointy kitty ears and my middle finger.

It's on.....so on...

*sprinkle (explosive poisoned bamboo shoot in a CO2 rocket) sprinkle*

Step 2: "Keep Alliances Strong"

"Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat." - Sun Tzu

High-Five War: Day 6.
"Captain's Log..."
I've met with a few of my alliances this week.
I needed to visit them in person to break down several points.
>The acute reason for this war.
>Why their services are needed.
>Where their talents can shine.
>The strategies behind such endowments.
>And why I am eternally in their debts for helping me to annihilate the Universe.

I think it went well...

Mazo told me to shut up, but continues to look out for things that I don't know that I need. He's a bit of a loose cannon, driven by passion and emotion. An excellent fighter. Always submerged in a battle darker than mine.

Christina came over in a flash when I went a little......c R a Z y....and calmed me down with empowering war paint. Brushed with rage, glowing like a Phoenix and drying with the memory of an elephant. Eternal. Humble. And Wise.

Rat Girl heard me when I didn't say anything. She always does that. An excellent Aquarian decoder and translator. She is fluent is many languages, but prefers Rat, Stolzian, and ancient dialects from the Unikai. She knows me, sometimes more that I know myself. I hate that. I hate her for it. And I love her. My friend...

Blueberry did a drive-by and brought me pretty little things, wrapped in a satchel which promised a good night's sleep. She mushed my sad head and hushed my rambling secrets. She also came over with no intention of staying a moment longer, which made me want to hand over the keys.

Cody. My War General in the East, has been forming further alliances, and gathering troops-of a questionable, and not-yet-approved nature. I have insisted that he await further instructions, but his only response thus far has been, "POW...POW POW POW POW....POW POW POW POW."

In this position I completely see how the decision was reached.

I am also touched and pleased with the letters coming in from the Land of Iniquity. Mr. Id has proven to be an exceptional General. Playing on the keys of confused lackeys, while Robin the Carpenter threatens to boil them up and spank them with a rubber chicken whip if they don't wise up.

Within the correspondence there have been plans made to strengthen and keep the Iniquitous borders strong, healthy and persevering in this time of loss. We are all hoping to make amends with our Australian friends, to whom we might have offended with our repulsion to Vegemite, Egg Hamburgers, and Abba songs.

Hopefully these efforts will be successful and we will be able to move on to "The Aussie Extraction in Beijing" Project.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves....

Alliances have been formed and nurtured.

Step 2 is complete.

*sprinkle sprinkle*

Intermediates and Letters: Both High and Low

Dear Intermediate,

It was so nice meeting you yesterday. I have got to get a pair of those sexy ass boots! I'm still recovering a bit from the bourbon. I'd try the hangover recipe that you recommended but I don't think sessil wood grows on Earth.
Anyway, please pass these letters on to both sides for me, and let's hang again soon. Thank-you for confirming the Insignificant/Indifferent theory. And I'd love to see the Rust Forests sometime.

*sprinkle sprinkle*
Shayde


Dearest Mephistopheles,

I appreciate your interest in participating in the High-Five War. Your reputation has preceded you, and I'm honored that you wish to collaborate with me. I do, however have a few concerns.
First and foremost, I do not declare war everyday. In thirty-six years, there have only been two other instances where I have had to take matters into my own hands. Those decisions were not made lightly. I am very close to this. It's a personal matter and I selfishly do not feel like sharing the impending victory. You have been known to take all of the glittery glam in the past. You understand.
And secondly I do not see how your skills match your offer. This is a Universal war and most of your accomplishments lie within the realms of Earth. Furthermore, I am not comfortable with the price of my soul while it's still in such good condition.
On the other hand, I have been quite impressed with the work that you have done with some of Hollywood's shining starlets. I know you cannot name your clients, so lets say I've kept a close eye on D_m_ Mo_re, Sop_ia Lo_en, Im_n, and Ja_e Sey_ou_e, and I know that I'll want a few vials of that Necronomicon juice in about twenty years. So the best I can do is keep your resume on file until then, and if something urgent comes up I will let you know. Thanks again.

*Diabolical Sprinkles*
Shayde


Dear Celestial Heavens,

I received your dirty scroll and don't understand a word of it. The penmanship looks like talon scratches from a bird. I asked The Intermediate to read it aloud and almost went deaf from the high-pitched screeching. I can only recognize this as an affirmation of war. I am therefore, left with no choice, but to initiate Step 2.
Given the nature of your style I do not expect further clarity on your tele-scream. I get that you work in mysterious ways, and now you will respect my ways, which will not be a mystery, but rather a huge ball of fire aimed straight-at-you, and who, or whatever attempts to get in my way as I take the Universe down.

*War Sprinkles*,
Shayde

The High-Five War - Step 1: The Declaration

Prologue: They rode mostly in silence to the airport. He glanced over occasionally, afraid to disrupt the calm storm that had become her face. Murky mascara streams met eyeliner stains. Her eyes transformed into faraway opals of cooling lava. She looked straight ahead at the white dashes, frittering away on the freeway; knowing that time will soon slow to an indolent yawn within the hour.
There were kisses and hugs and promises and love, before he disappeared behind the jolting chaos of overweight suitcases, numbered gates, and E-tickets. She waved with a numb, shell of an arm until she could no longer see him. And then turned around, looked up at the sky and said, "Alright Universe....let's dance."

Dear Universe,
I have been very patient with you. I have conceded your storms and all-too-frequent tornadoes. I have done my best to scrape up reserves of resilience, which were depleted a long time ago. And I still got up each and every time.
I have stretched my faith to respect the astounding nature of your cosmos, which is based on cryptic mysteries, conundrums, and sometimes even humorous mystification.
But I have had enough. This is the end of the line. It stops here.
You want a piece of me? You want to play?
Fine, then this is war.
That's right, w a r.
Physically I may only be a grain of stardust to you, but I'll have you know- I am a red giant with a hydrogen storm inside of me that will burn for billions of years and swallow galaxies whole. I wear comets for socks just so my little tootsies can stay warm.
If you do not deliver the five terms that I am sending to you as a cosmic bitch slap then so help me, I will...wait, let me put this banana down...

Then so help me, I will be left with no choice but to annihilate everything.
Do you hear me? E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The whole shebang.
I remember having a similar issue like this four years ago.
Remember Pluto? Yeah, that was me. Only you won't be as lucky.
What's the matter Universe? Why so quiet all of a sudden?
Too busy confusing the hell out of the masses and guffawing at their prayers and wishes to give me an answer?
That's alright. I'm no longer looking for answers.
I AM the answer now.
And shit is going to change around here.
Starting now. You've been served.

On Like It's Never Been,
*sprinkle sprinkle*