What's better than listening to "Plainsong" by The Cure and taking a walk at twilight? Listening to "Plainsong" by The Cure and taking a walk at twilight which turns into a sun shower. I love sun showers. They are rare here. So rare in fact that the people I passed on the street were giddy and looking up at the sky with wonder. There were others standing in their doorways as well.
There is something about storm light that is so magical. Maybe it's the contrast between the charcoal grey clouds and the honeyed rays of light.
It's the space where it is apparent that there are no black and white aspects to life. Only shaydows and prisms of thought and emotion.
I thought of J. while my body slithered on The Cure's notes in my lime green headphones. I felt like I could fly...
Throughout my life I took gymnastics for seven years. After getting past the disciplined strength of manipulating your body and making it look graceful, it was a pure joy for me. And that's how I felt today.
The Cure laid out a beautiful composition of uneven bars and I took off, lingering on lyrics and swaying with composition while making the song about my own story.
My own love, my own life.
In that moment Robert Smith sang a spectral symphony just for me. And oh how I adored him for that...
Occasionally I would see the same car that J. has and feel the sudden impulse to run after it like a dog.
FACT: It's not his car.
FACT: I'm not a dog.
But I love him like a dog. I love him like a Greyhound on acid, and I hope that never changes.
I spent a lot of time out in my garden today. I like it out there, but I've been avoiding it as well. After seeing a spider form a tiny web in the corner of one of my chairs I vowed to never sit down again. My arachnophobia became king and took his land.
I've told myself lies such as, "I'll clean up the cobwebs tomorrow, I need a new garden hose, and to re-pot some of those plants..."
-but now I know I was just avoiding another place where I can write.
If it's a mess then I can't write and if I can't write then I don't have to think and if I don't have to think then I don't have to feel and if I don't have to feel then I don't have to feel...B A D!!!
Yes, sometimes writing takes to you to that place...
But as I stood outside today I realized that I don't feel bad.
I just feel a bit scared and vigilant. That's not so terrible.
I moved a pot here....picked up a hose there....got the broom, and I started to feel better.
I've been hanging onto my cobwebs because you never know when you'll need a cobweb. (I mean...that happens sometimes, right?)
So here I am in my enchanting garden, which is taking on new temperaments and perceptions.
The curling vines that choked my chimes sway, and latch onto my arm as I pass.
My corn plant and elephant palm like to cuddle, while others fancy a cut here and a touch there. There's also my dumb cane, which drinks like cRaZY! She is truly an aqua lush, but we all have our vices, who am I to judge?
I heal as I tend to these organisms. I feel as strong as their roots and as fragile as their petals.
And now that I'm finally spending time out here I don't want to leave. I want to keep cleaning and digging...
Perhaps I'll find a magic door.
Speaking of magic doors I can tell that I'm still going through major changes because my dreams are different. It's almost hard to describe. They don't feel like they belong to me anymore. I'm dreaming as though I'm watching someone else dream.
It's not disturbing, it's just strange, and things are calmer now that I'm embracing this random satchel of ribbons masquerading as my life.
The Magic Turtle helps.
Rat Girl gave it to me (five months LATER!) for my birthday.
It's okay, I always wondered what it would be like to be a Cancer.
Ironically it was given to me on my brother's birthday, and we're both pretty sure that we are twins, or were in a past life.
Back to the Magic Turtle. It lights up and projects constellations onto the wall, and it changes colors! And it has a moon, and it's the perfect nightlight, and it's perfect for my mermaid baths and and and AND And AnD...I love it =)
So maybe sometimes life is about not being afraid of your cobwebs.
Maybe it's about simple things like Magical Turtles, and sun showers, and songs that Robert Smith wrote just for you, because you were living on the edge of the world...and he liked your smile.
*sprinkle sprinkle*
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