Intermediates and Letters: Both High and Low

Dear Intermediate,

It was so nice meeting you yesterday. I have got to get a pair of those sexy ass boots! I'm still recovering a bit from the bourbon. I'd try the hangover recipe that you recommended but I don't think sessil wood grows on Earth.
Anyway, please pass these letters on to both sides for me, and let's hang again soon. Thank-you for confirming the Insignificant/Indifferent theory. And I'd love to see the Rust Forests sometime.

*sprinkle sprinkle*
Shayde


Dearest Mephistopheles,

I appreciate your interest in participating in the High-Five War. Your reputation has preceded you, and I'm honored that you wish to collaborate with me. I do, however have a few concerns.
First and foremost, I do not declare war everyday. In thirty-six years, there have only been two other instances where I have had to take matters into my own hands. Those decisions were not made lightly. I am very close to this. It's a personal matter and I selfishly do not feel like sharing the impending victory. You have been known to take all of the glittery glam in the past. You understand.
And secondly I do not see how your skills match your offer. This is a Universal war and most of your accomplishments lie within the realms of Earth. Furthermore, I am not comfortable with the price of my soul while it's still in such good condition.
On the other hand, I have been quite impressed with the work that you have done with some of Hollywood's shining starlets. I know you cannot name your clients, so lets say I've kept a close eye on D_m_ Mo_re, Sop_ia Lo_en, Im_n, and Ja_e Sey_ou_e, and I know that I'll want a few vials of that Necronomicon juice in about twenty years. So the best I can do is keep your resume on file until then, and if something urgent comes up I will let you know. Thanks again.

*Diabolical Sprinkles*
Shayde


Dear Celestial Heavens,

I received your dirty scroll and don't understand a word of it. The penmanship looks like talon scratches from a bird. I asked The Intermediate to read it aloud and almost went deaf from the high-pitched screeching. I can only recognize this as an affirmation of war. I am therefore, left with no choice, but to initiate Step 2.
Given the nature of your style I do not expect further clarity on your tele-scream. I get that you work in mysterious ways, and now you will respect my ways, which will not be a mystery, but rather a huge ball of fire aimed straight-at-you, and who, or whatever attempts to get in my way as I take the Universe down.

*War Sprinkles*,
Shayde